Life lessons in the grocery aisle: How to cut a pineapple

Last summer, Jared and I were browsing through the grocery store when we came across a gigantic bin filled with pineapples. Now when it’s a million degrees outside (OK, more like 85, but seriously, that’s melty hot) and you don’t even want to think about turning on the stove, nothing sounds better than cool, fresh fruit. And the tropical-ness of the pineapple seemed like it might make the whole steamy season feel a little more sensible. We were sold.

Sure of our decision that pineapple was a must for the evening, we started poking around on the pineapples in the bin to find one that looked just right. That’s when we realized something — we had absolutely no idea what we were doing. Our lack of pineapple knowledge must have been apparent to passersby (perhaps all the squeezing and poking and smelling were to blame?) because a nice lady with much wisdom when it comes to exotic produce came to our assistance.

“You know how to tell when a pineapple is ready?” she asked.

“Um, well, um,” we both said, somewhat embarrassed. “No, no we don’t.”

She proceeded to let us in on the great pineapple secret. With her pointer finger and thumb, she reached toward the top center of the pineapple and grabbed hold of a single pointy leaf. She gave it a quick wiggle, then pulled upward and snapped the leaf off in one quick tug.

“Nope, this one’s not ready,” she said. “When it’s ready, the leaves in the center will pull out easily.”

We thanked her for her help and started tugging on pineapple leaves ourselves until we found one that we thought matched her specifications. It wasn’t until we got it home and found ourselves staring at the pointy exterior that we realized we weren’t out of the woods yet.

“So, how do we cut this thing?” Jared asked, trying not to laugh. Argh.

Without our pineapple guru on speed dial, we took to YouTube and found a handy video with step-by-step advice. Yes, we watched a video about how to cut a pineapple. Yes, we felt silly doing it.

But if I learned anything from this pineapple episode, it’s that great pineapple knowledge should be shared (I still dream of running into that nice lady at the grocery store and telling her how she changed our lives that day). So for any of you who might be reading this and thinking, “Hmm, come to think of it, I don’t know how to cut up a pineapple,” have no fear! It’s a pay-it-forward kind of day, and I’m sharing the scoop.

Once you’re sure that your pineapple is ready for eating (based on the wiggly leaf trick), lay the pineapple down on a large cutting board, and cut off the pineapple’s top (with all the spiky leaves) and bottom. This will give you a handy flat surface to do the rest of your cutting.

Stand the pineapple up on its newly flat bottom, and use a sharp knife to slowly cut off the tough outer skin, leaving behind the pretty yellow pineapple insides. Rotate the pineapple, and cut the skin off in strips until you get back to where you started.

Odds are that after the skin is removed, your pineapple will be left with a few less-than-lovely circular knots. With a carrot peeler (there might be a better tool to use, but most folks have this in the kitchen), use the pointed end to poke and then pull out the knotty business. Depending on the number of knots your pineapple’s skin left behind, the de-knotting might leave you with a Swiss cheese-looking pineapple. No bother. The knots are no bueno to eat, so taking them out is the best way to ensure delicious eats later on.

At this point, your pineapple is ready to cut up. I like to lay it back down and cut disks about a half-inch thick, then I cut those disks into bite-sized cubes. Then I eat them. And my tummy smiles.

Have you taken home your first pineapple of the year yet? Any fun pineapple recipes you like to make? And has anyone else learned any life lessons in the grocery store aisle? Do tell!

XO,
Katrina